Daily Thoughts

The act of effusively sentimental

My emotions is jumping everywhere and I cant help it but to be amused with my overate thoughts.

I can say that I missed Andy so much but I always wish that Danny will make the first move in reaching out. Sadly the both of them are busy and have not done anything to say HI! Though I had a small talk before the changes happen and Andy was so funny.

Weighing funny and being nice is somehow helps me to validate my illusions. Though I know that most of them are not true I still kept the hope that one day I will have the chance. Chance that I will forever be grateful and I can conclude that I can die right after he say HI!

Pathetic right? He is the only reason why I keep on moving and pushing hard to stay on my job. Thinking that we work halfway around the world – I still believe that nothing is impossible.

All I know that whenever you mention his name my ears popped and cant stop smiling. There are instances that his name keeps on popping everywhere like social media, my uber driver and on my work place. I shouldn’t put meaning into those things but still I cant help it. Because who would have that chance of getting the same name that always appear when you least expected. Could it be a reminder? Could it be a test? Could it be fate?

Who the fuck knows when all you have are those little information that don’t suffice your needs. On the other hand Danny seems to be disconnected to the word as he is not that approachable and a little distance. It makes me want him more on this type of act. It feels so challenging that makes me question myself -why is this happening.

But overall the happiness that Andy brings to my heart each time is unmeasurable. Perhaps I want him so bad that I cant deny to myself anymore. Thats kinda sad to admit because if that is the case, where should I go from here? I cant stop thinking about him and I cant stop talking about him. My world is moving around him and the sad part I don’t know if he is also thinking of me. Is he thinking of me? Is there any instances that he thought of me? Does he smiles when someone say my name or if he saw my name?

Yesterday, I couldn’t sleep and went to work appearing so tired. I guess you could say that I was drunk enough with the thought of thinking silly things that wont and will not happen. But —- I can still hope and that is the only thing I can -hope!

One day, time will tell if we are both meant for each other. I believe our creator has a great plans of each one of us. If he is not for me, that is fine as long as I know someone out there is waiting for me. For now I will continue to welcome the thoughts of being delusional and entertain myself with my imagination that he is the perfect person for me. 😘

If I can ask God one wish I will only ask him to convince Andy that he like me.. 😂😂😂😂

Have a great night! xoxo💋

Daily Thoughts

The Maze

I have finally reached the end of the tunnel but no lights is waiting for me. It is final and its not going to change. But I am still taking chances that I know soon I will be caught. The last day where we had the chance to say goodbye, I felt that Danny really meant it. Saying goodbye for him feels like it is the end of the friendship we had.

Though he mention that he was checking on Reddit and found something interesting on my place. He even verify if its true and knowing that he is interested with that he is actually thinking of me. Isn’t? I could be wrong but why he will ask me right? And why he will listen with those songs? I cant understand the logic.

Its been few days when they leave and now he is asking me to do something for him. Which I helped him and now that I am asking for help he ignored me? What an asshole he is! I cant seems to understand why he keeps on doing things like this? Does he likes me or not? Does he like teasing me with this kind of shit? I hate it and I dont want it!

I hope God will listen to me and he could give me the person I really like. I really like or really really like!! I hope he will be here very soon and I cant stay like this forever! I hate being alone 😟

Daily Thoughts

The countdown

I been thinking of deleting my blog for quite sometime. I know that most of the content only evolves on two persons that I admire. I’m constantly reminding myself that I should stop with all my silly imagination. I know is too far cry to make things possible but as I always say I can only hope. Day by day I’m praying that God would give me the chance to talk to them even if its just for seconds or minutes. I dont care as long as we exchanges ideas and laughter.

Now that we reaching the end of line. I’m starting to fear that my one tiny hope will eventually fade. I’m afraid that the fire that I thought is burning will eventually die. Where do we go from here? What are the possibilities of having the bridge reconnected? Well none for now is certain and all I know I need to prepare myself for the change.

Sometimes I wonder if one of them thinks of me. I dont care weather is it good or bad but knowing that you affect someone is so rewarding. If I have the power to go back from where we first met I would have done what I did today. By just being funny and having a good time. Maybe one day we’ll cross paths again. Until then I can only wish or hope that one day something good will happen.

You will always be the person I know who can take my breath away. Like you always say see you around. 😘 xoxo

Daily Thoughts

The effects of admiration

I told myself that I will lose weight because I wanted and not because people wants it. I must admit that I still have that little window in my head that I want to feel accepted. I know that is so sad to admit but yes I would like everyone to know. I strongly believe that my will power is not enough to push my limits. I always lay my everything that I can’t do it though I am trying so hard to beat my laziness. I was worried that making someone else responsible for my happiness will eventually ruin my daily motivation. Though I have some days that I feel really down and some days I am so high. I could keep my unending smile. I must say that after I stated that I will forget Andy and Danny I knew I am lying.

I continue my journey for almost 3 weeks with one day a week rest. I lost a total of 13 lbs and for me it is too good to be true. Because I failed to weigh myself when I started and I just got my weight from the hospital before I got my surgery a year ago. So who knows and I am back from being so lazy after I consumed my L-carnitine for 3 weeks. 😏

During this fantasy of losing weight, I met Andy’s boss who flew all the way from Chicago. He is a big guy and at the same time funny. He was looking for me the day he arrives and when I met him he said “I heard so much about you and Andy talk’s about you all the time”. Honestly, I dont know how to reach and I dont know if I need to be happy or need be ashamed. When we got the chance to sit on a table he said that he was looking forward to meet me.

Oh, well I just enjoy meeting new people. Knowing I can interact with them freely and no issue I’m okay with it. Danny is a little different and so as Andy. I must admit everything we talked about even if its a work related we find ourselves laughing about my stupidity. I dont want to pretend that I know things even If I dont know it. I like to learn so many things if I have a chance and both of them are giving me that privilege. I hope one day, we could have the chance to talk about life aside from work. See yah all xoxo 😘

Daily Thoughts

The Self-love

Since I decided that I will no longer make Andy and Danny be part of my daily life. I have purchased a l’carnitine injectables to help me burn more fat while doing simple cardio exercise. I decided to focus on myself and better my outer look. I weight like 200+ pounds and I regret it that I have to reached this stage to realized that I need help. I tried to lose weight but I am having difficulty in achieving my goals because of PCOS.

I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 16 and didn’t understand why. I took medication for years and nothing happen until I gain too much weight. I am a problem with my sugar as I think I am pre-diabetic. I am always lazy and tried without doing anything. I tried millions of approach but none of them gave the fulfillment that I was looking. Started my diet as usual but with l’carnitine on my system. I dont like drinking medicine thats why I opted to buy injectables. So far I feel more energized compared when I dont have the fat burner. I tried to do walking and as I check I successfully completed my 20 minutes walk. Went to my work without feeling sore but I feel weak. Since I did not get enough sleep I decided to skip my exercise for a day. Today 30th I completed another 20 minutes walk and feels so good though Im struggling. I hope I can continue this journey until the end and I hope l’carnitine can give the justice.

My experiences after it is inserted to my blood stream? 1st day nothing the following day sudden energy pop out and started my work out following day im super tired so I skip my work out. 4th day I tried to reach my goal and I am struggling for real! I’ll keep everything on tract as much as I could so help me God! xoxo 😘

Daily Thoughts

The Switch

My co-worker just made me realized that I am so pathetic. I think I needed that -for me to accept reality that I been ignoring for a long time. She is so mean and trying to ruined everything. I honestly dont know where she got the story where Andy already have a girlfriend and she keeps on rubbing the information to my face. I somehow would like to be part of Andy’s life -if I have the chance and not throwing myself to him forcefully. Same goes to Danny but how she describes the situation made me think that she is actually saying words that I completely preventing other people to get the same idea.

I hate the fact that she is giving these information to my other co-worker and Andy’s co-worker without my consent. Plus adding information that is not true that makes me feel like a whore. I can’t defend myself at this point as I will look like so desperate. I feel like she is the most stupid person I have ever met.

I hope she gets what she deserves from being so selfish and stupid. I hope I can work as normal later and be a good person. I may need to stop talking to them and start putting the line that I hate to do it. Maybe goodbyes are always necessary! I have to focus on myself and start moving forward.

Daily Thoughts

The Days

I personally like the song and lyrics of “the days”. It gives me the feeling of being excited about something.

“These are the days we’ve been waiting for

Neither of us knows what’s in store”

I dont know if its good to relate this to my present status or I am just too delusional. Who knows right? Nothing is change since the last time I wrote and we are still hanging like we never knew what is going to happen. I am hopeful to more chance to know Danny but the more I craved for his attention the lesser the chance we have or totally not in contact. Andy on the other side just go with the flow and keep we keep on messing each other. But nothing is extraordinary that will crave for more.

Andy is a little bit busier than Danny and most of time Andy is not available. I have to deal with Danny if I have the chance but the more interactions we have the lesser we jive together. But Andy has this aura that keeps on being playful and willing to explain everything even if its going to take time. So I am in a complete spell and I can’t stop thinking about him. I am totally confused which of them that I like the most. Though they dont even like me and why the hell am I confused for? I shouldn’t be right?

I know that Danny is interested with me but not all the time.lol He always helped me and he always being so nice but sometimes he is so mean. Andy is always happy and cool. He likes to explained things that you could easily understand and why he was doing it. I am in a complete shock that I can freely joke around with him. Or I could be wrong!

How I wish something good will happen in the coming days and nights. xoxo 😘

Daily Thoughts

The joys and sorrows

I cant begin to imagine what I have done to myself to get to this pointless direction. All I want from the beginning is to fine someone, who will actually give me the same amount of interest as I gave it to them. I can’t please anyone from my surroundings but I can only hope.

Having conversation with Danny the other week feels so light. But the more the days goes, it begin to flicker on my head that things will not happen again. I am truly having a hard time to keep up on the same spirit that he is showing. Like what they said lightning dont strike the same place twice.

I will always cherish some of the flirtation and sweetness he shared to me. I hope we will come to the point that we will end this mystery. And start all over again like we never had chance to meet each others. I hope I will not regret it. I need to forget him. I must!

I think I begun to be more impatient than before as I dont see any reason to stay. I started to question myself how long I will pretend. For how long I can take this madness and take the courage to step forward. I am in a complete mess and no one wants to see someone who is broken inside.

“you are the one thing that keep me smiling, that’s why I’m always wishing hard for you” these words are the perfect match to describe my feelings everyday. Some are successful and most of the time are not. Oh well! I guess I cant have everything I wanted. Today, is the day where you dont know where to pick-up yourself and you are asking for more when he dont give a shit. Maybe he does but I am too blinded to see it. -or maybe not at all.

I dont know where to start again but I will continue what I have started and I hope life will help me to conquer the world and how destiny predicts my future. xoxo 😘

Daily Thoughts

The Joyful Day

I truly believed in the saying “sometimes the least you expect it, good things happen” and today was the best day I ever had.

Given the stressed I received today have vanished completely when I had the chance to talk to Andy and Danny. I know that I am weird to be confused who is the real guy I like the most.

Honestly at this point, I really dont know. Most of the time Andy is more friendly than Danny. But if Andy is not in the mood he still finds a way to crack a joke. Or we just found the comfort of taking to each other. Danny is a little weird sometimes and I have this impression that he is always mad. I can’t even predict if he is okay with jokes or not.

I have this great feeling when I am talking to Andy and its kinda comfortable with no filters. Same with Danny I dont need to hide anything just being completely honest. But sometimes I dont know if he is being nice or being mean to me.

To begin with my joyful day! I had this conversation with Andy that we actually playing around. Making fun of our gameplay for the cases we had. Creating funny lines and I know we both enjoyed it. I just had to say goodbye as soon as I felt the weirdness between us. Then talk to Danny about something when Andy left. For the first time in history, Danny just made this funny joke on me and he said that he could be mean to others but not to me.

I know sometimes I am just feeding my fantasy over this guys but they always convinced me that this feelings are not illusion. I am not saying that they love me with whatsoever but if I dont feel like talking they start to do this weird stuff and make me laugh.

I am just happy today that both of them have this same mood where they want to make fun of things. I get the chance to know them better and be at ease. I am 100% comfortable in telling them what I think and what I want. Sadly no one is making a huge steps to verify this claims. 😕

I wish soon enough we will have this chance to meet each other on a daily basis and work together. For now let me enjoy whatever life offers me. Happy Labor Day! xoxo 😘