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The Illusion 

Somewhere in 2014, when I met a guy from OKC. I dont know what I am doing at that time, but I felt so stupid that I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe I was to focus on my job or I am too insecure of my physical appearance that dont even care of my surroundings. I dont remember the day I realized that I like him. All I know is that, he has the most beautiful face I have ever met.

We had a formal meet and greet at the office. He was one of the representative from the computer company where we are working; the only differences is that we are working on a different sites. The moment I saw his smile, his teeth, his eyes and beard makes everything fades. I know that is weird to say but it’s true! I felt my world just stopped.

I admitted, I became more energized and excited to work after that incident. Though I couldn’t remember what we talk about during the meet and greet. He was doing meetings with our front-liners and trying to figure out what is needed to establish at that time.

One day, I was shocked when my boss asked me to help him. I tried to do it really but damn I froze. I felt that my tongue is not working and I cant take my eyes off him. 😂 I know that’s creepy but what can I do I get so weak when I’m near him.

But I like it when he said “lets do something crazy” though it wasn’t literally crazy but damn it made my day! I learned that day, he has a girlfriend and she was with him when they arrived to our country. I know girlfriends are such a bummer… lol

I am not that affected when my boss keep on saying they will tour him and the girlfriend. They will hang out stuff like that and they invited me but I prefer not to go. I decided to be a stalker..hahaha I always check my Facebook if they upload photos or  what places they went together. I know I’m such a pathetic person hahaha

Few days before his flight back to OKC, I noticed that he is always at my desk trying to ask me something or just sitting beside my desk. I was just assuming that he likes me when he is doing that and I felt that he knows that I get weak when I am beside him. Lol

I let him do his thing and got the chance to talk to him everyday. We started to laughed with stupid things and helping him with few things. It surely boost my energy to work everyday. Then one day, the day he will leave, he just keep moving around and asking me what else should we talk about. I said nothing just relax and you are about to go home. Then he smiled at me.

My friend Jake, who is also working there keeps on asking too many questions. Then the feeling of awkwardness is starting to build up. He was trying to get an answer if Andy is just trying to flirt with me. Honestly, I dont wanna know the answer. Having that feeling of happiness in a form of illusion if enough for me to smile. I know how psychotic it sounded but yes its true. Small things makes me happy even if is just an illusion.

I really dont remember everything we talked about because my memory is not that good. All I know is that I have a happy thoughts when they mention his name. I remember when he left that day he said goodbye to me.

My boss was laughing at that time and said he wanted to take photo of us. I will not forget that photo when he stand beside me as quick as he could and hold my back to make me go closer to him. I grab my co-worker beside me because the situations makes me nervous. My friend Jake, told me after the photo, that Andy was trying to put his hands on my arms but decided to keep it on my back. (does it make sense?)

Then I thought that was the final goodbye and the end of my happy thoughts. Andy, went back to my desk after reaching the end of our office just to say “goodbye” again. Someone from the office yells “Andy, are you going to miss us?” He said yes and I am going to miss her too. **pointing at me** And I am completely lost for a minute or two. Then he was gone.

After that goodbyes we never had the chance go talk again or say hello’s. I don’t know what happen but no communication at all. I still treasure that experience of meeting him and the having fun at the office. I’ll be lying if I said I wasn’t waiting for him to say Hi.

Then years later, I heard that he was promoted and we started to work again. Yes, working together makes me feel alive. I know how pathetic it is but that’s how I feel when I am talking to him. Maybe I was just assuming that he likes me and he was just trying to be nice.

We are working in a different sites and communicate via chat. We can only talk business and not personal things. So as I follow the company’s policy and then he was starting to be more friendly that makes me weak again.

Each time we talked makes be feel alive. My  bliss! Lol

This week was such a stressful day where I have to deal with so many things. I was talking to consult about something and he will suggest resolution. I will gladly take it and implement it. If any goes wrong I only need to go back on that department and ask for help. This time he gave me the chance to find him. He said that when you go back for a chat session make sure to ask me. If I’m available and I will help you. Sound sweet but I know that is nothing.

Later today I saw a chat session where he was asking for me. I was not sure if that is related to the issue or he just feel like asking where am I. But still makes me feel happy. I know all of this things I wrote was just my illusion. This is just something I want to believe and too far from reality. Whatever’s going to happen I dont care. All I know  is I am going to enjoy the ride. 😅😂😜😉💋

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