Daily Thoughts

The joys and sorrows

I cant begin to imagine what I have done to myself to get to this pointless direction. All I want from the beginning is to fine someone, who will actually give me the same amount of interest as I gave it to them. I can’t please anyone from my surroundings but I can only hope.

Having conversation with Danny the other week feels so light. But the more the days goes, it begin to flicker on my head that things will not happen again. I am truly having a hard time to keep up on the same spirit that he is showing. Like what they said lightning dont strike the same place twice.

I will always cherish some of the flirtation and sweetness he shared to me. I hope we will come to the point that we will end this mystery. And start all over again like we never had chance to meet each others. I hope I will not regret it. I need to forget him. I must!

I think I begun to be more impatient than before as I dont see any reason to stay. I started to question myself how long I will pretend. For how long I can take this madness and take the courage to step forward. I am in a complete mess and no one wants to see someone who is broken inside.

“you are the one thing that keep me smiling, that’s why I’m always wishing hard for you” these words are the perfect match to describe my feelings everyday. Some are successful and most of the time are not. Oh well! I guess I cant have everything I wanted. Today, is the day where you dont know where to pick-up yourself and you are asking for more when he dont give a shit. Maybe he does but I am too blinded to see it. -or maybe not at all.

I dont know where to start again but I will continue what I have started and I hope life will help me to conquer the world and how destiny predicts my future. xoxo 😘

Daily Thoughts

The Joyful Day

I truly believed in the saying “sometimes the least you expect it, good things happen” and today was the best day I ever had.

Given the stressed I received today have vanished completely when I had the chance to talk to Andy and Danny. I know that I am weird to be confused who is the real guy I like the most.

Honestly at this point, I really dont know. Most of the time Andy is more friendly than Danny. But if Andy is not in the mood he still finds a way to crack a joke. Or we just found the comfort of taking to each other. Danny is a little weird sometimes and I have this impression that he is always mad. I can’t even predict if he is okay with jokes or not.

I have this great feeling when I am talking to Andy and its kinda comfortable with no filters. Same with Danny I dont need to hide anything just being completely honest. But sometimes I dont know if he is being nice or being mean to me.

To begin with my joyful day! I had this conversation with Andy that we actually playing around. Making fun of our gameplay for the cases we had. Creating funny lines and I know we both enjoyed it. I just had to say goodbye as soon as I felt the weirdness between us. Then talk to Danny about something when Andy left. For the first time in history, Danny just made this funny joke on me and he said that he could be mean to others but not to me.

I know sometimes I am just feeding my fantasy over this guys but they always convinced me that this feelings are not illusion. I am not saying that they love me with whatsoever but if I dont feel like talking they start to do this weird stuff and make me laugh.

I am just happy today that both of them have this same mood where they want to make fun of things. I get the chance to know them better and be at ease. I am 100% comfortable in telling them what I think and what I want. Sadly no one is making a huge steps to verify this claims. πŸ˜•

I wish soon enough we will have this chance to meet each other on a daily basis and work together. For now let me enjoy whatever life offers me. Happy Labor Day! xoxo 😘

Daily Thoughts

The Contemplation

I told Danny that I will be gone until the 29th but I decided to go back to my work instead of taking my vacation until Tuesday.

I’m in a complete messed when I returned and I feel incomplete. I dont know why but the emptiness kills me. I had the chance to talk to Andy but the excitement was not the same as before. Maybe I was not completely happy that I returned to work. Or maybe I miss Danny.

I dont know why I keeps on thinking about that jerk and I have no clue if he likes me or just being nice. I hate to think about these stuff all the time and so much people around me noticing that I always mentioned his name.

It sucks to feel this way and I realized Im starting to get bored of being lonely. Today is Danny’s birthday and he said that he might stay home and rest. We dont know if that is true but whatever it is I hope he thinks about me. lol

I am planning to have a conversation with him tomorrow and I dont know if I am ready with his answer. I want to ask him if he enjoy his birthday with his girlfriend. I hope he would say he dont have one or he is gay. I dont know how to react but hopefully I am going to like it.

I am really disappointed today but hopefully I am going to be fine tomorrow. I want to believe that someone out there is waiting for me.

Daily Thoughts

The Zero Degree

I missed the chance to talk to Andy today because I was too impatient. I told myself I will try a little more harder next time.

I ended up talking to Danny and at first he is kinda weird. I am still has the impression that he is not happy on my jokes. Then after few more hours he was like so interested of something. Then we couldn’t stay long so we ended up saying goodbye.

He is a little weird and I have not been so confused that much with a person’s personality that I couldn’t identify. Maybe I am just too interested in him. But he gave away the information I wanted to know. His birthday date! Yes I did my research and find out that facts are true!

Why does the internet gives to much information and giving your freaking address! To much is always too much. I saw everything on the internet including his address and phone number! So strange! I realized his a virgo!

According to the website: As a Virgo born on this day, you are a very funny, interesting, and charismatic person. You really have a way of making a presence in people’s lives. People do like you; they can see what kind of value you bring to the table.

With that said, you often believe in certain things that end up sabotaging whatever success you are able to achieve in other areas of your life. To say that you are your own worst enemy would be an understatement indeed.


We’re not necessarily talking about demanding, in terms of you just wanting to dominate the time of your romantic partners. You’re not demanding in the sense that you want your partners to become completely different people. You also don’t hold back your emotional rewards to blackmail them.

Instead, you are demanding in the sense that you are quite a perfectionist when it comes to your romantic relationships. They have to meet some sort of ideal. The relationship has to live up to a fairytale in your head.

Unfortunately, we live in reality, and when you are demanding at this level, it does have a way of undermining and corroding your relationships. You know this; you are a very intelligent person. The sooner you take steps to overcome this natural tendency of yours, the faster your relationships will become more fruitful.

And in the end Virgo is still weird.. xoxo 😘

Daily Thoughts

The Uncertainty

Why do I always feel that we don’t understand each other all the time. Why do I feel that he is not happy on what I say or what arguments I bring up.

Its hard to read him and today he is a little better compared the other day. Do I assumed things differently or I just misunderstood the gestures he was doing. I wish I can ask for more and I wish I’ll have the chance to explore all the possibilities.

Often times, I am feeling sick of waiting and waiting for something that is not going to happen. I keep on confusing myself for something I shouldn’t have. Danny is somehow gives me frustration on a daily basis. I can’t read him like I do with others.

I am with some miracles he will find a way to look for the possibilities. xoxo 😘

Daily Thoughts

The part of my realization

I am a little bothered last weekend as Danny did not respond to my email. I feel like I stepped beyond my boundaries and I must admit he is not interested.

I kept waiting and waiting the entire day but I have not gotten any response from him. I had a chance to talk to him earlier but I am too shy to bring up the topic.

I thank him for helping me today and he replied your always welcome. I assumed that this is a go signal to ask him regarding the issue on my other case and he suggest something to do.

Apart from this dilemma is that my co-workers think that I am over stepping from the boundaries that I shouldn’t have. Where they specifically ask for help and to use my connection with Danny. Now that the case has slow progress it turns out that its my fault.

I dont get people who are so immature to think this kind of things. I know its a slow progress but we can’t do anything about it. The only solution is to wait and see. This is also the last time I am going to help them and I will no longer do anything anymore.

I’m disappointed to myself that I keep doing this things for others and asking helped from Danny. He did everything he could but apparently my co-worker is so in a hurry that she wants action right away. Such a bossy!

I hate that I have to involve someone on this matter. I hate this feelings and I hope I’ll be okay.

My perspective towards Danny somehow changed for the passed weeks. Why? And why do I assumed he is mad when is not? Why do I assumed something that he wasn’t? What is wrong with me?

Daily Thoughts

The Sudden Turn

I am sick today and I can’t function the way I need to. Making me slower than the usually. Been sneezing all day long and my mind is clouded.

Talked to Andy today but not the same we used to have. And for the first time in history Danny just said that at least he is not giving false information out of the blue. I was thinking that he is trying to imply that Andy’s decision was wrong in the first place.

I don’t understand Danny anymore.. and I don’t understand myself anymore. πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘

Daily Thoughts

The Monday start-up

I am a bit skeptical about my Monday workday would start. I came late for work because I am simply not feeling well and I feel no determination. I kept thinking that I have to work because of the number of cases I have to finish and to have the chance to talk to Danny.

Apparently, he was not in a good mood to talk and he never response to my email. I dont know what he was thinking but I hope it’s nothing personal. I always jump on this kind of conclusions because thats how I feel. On the lighter note I had the chance to work with Andy πŸ˜‹

He is a little weird today and our conversation is a bit odd. I thought he is not in the mood and he dont like talking to me but surprisingly he wants to start a conversation. I dont know if he is just buying sometime to prevent him to chat with others as I work on a minimal supervision. But whatever his reason is I dont care as long as I have the time to flirt around. lol

I must admit that after loosing the thinking that he likes me, my true self of being funny has begun to unleash. I can feel that he likes being fooled and having praise. I adore him but I can’t like him they way I did before. This is all my illusion and I should not go back on the same path. But given the chance I want him so much! Nah forget it! Hahah

He is a complete package I must say. He could be the typical American guy but this is somewhat different from others because he knows me. I mean I met him in person and I work with him. He knows how I look and what I am doing. Compared to numerous American guy that I chat with, and I obviously fake my identity. I am beyond amazed with this experiences and I hope I will have the chance to get to know more about him. πŸ™‚

This is me being a weirdo.. hahah xoxo

Daily Thoughts

The Lies

Last Friday was a great day at work. Though the amount of stress is still the same I can say that I enjoyed it. I had a time to last week to chat with Danny and this is one of the days that he is so talkative and not so grumpy.

I was so jealous that he can actually work from home and he encourages me to apply on the same company they are working. I told myself thats going to be hard. I know that day he likes talking to me and if I have the chance to talk to him I'll grab the opportunity but we need to work 😦

I asked him if he is visiting our sites and he said that he is not sure. I hope we see each other soon and have this feelings sorted out. I dont love him thats for sure but the feeling of wanting to talk to him is there. I just cant figure it out if I like it.

I found out that he lied to me when we talked about passport and he didn't know that he already mention he dont have it and now he has one. Booo! It sucks to know that he lying and I dont know if its intentional or not. Anyway, I am just being dramatic and a little disappointed I guess.

He did help me last Friday and he has done some work for me which I appreciate it. The gesture is always a plus for me no matter what. I hope we can have the chance to get to know each other. Working with somebody that makes you happy is something for me. I gave up my hopes for Andy I guess what we have right now is the only thing we will have for rest of this journey!

I do hope that I can find the right person for me and make my dreams come true! Xoxo

Daily Thoughts

The Inevitable

My week is extremely busy and I cant do anything but to keep up on the fast pace environment that I breathe in. Danny and Andy seems to be okay and they were so helpful and very informative.

Before the weekend I ask Danny if he is mad and he said no. He said that I might misunderstood him but he is willing to help me in anyway he can. I am still wondering why he likes to do that when most of the time he is not okay.

I realized that I build my world around my work, Danny and Andy. I am getting tired of all the shitty things I do on a daily basis. I can’t stop it because my work requires to communicate with both of them.

I met someone from there Department and he is John. He is the typical young boy who likes being silly and having fun at work. I hope I can have that positivity to help me on my daily life.

I somehow miss Danny when we talk about our lives and the things we want. It is just weird that we build the wall where we are having a hard time to express our thoughts today. I can consider him as my weakness 😌

I am trying hard to be funny when I am talking to Andy and I know he is somehow happy about it. He will not take an hour of conversation if he is not enjoying it. And what an odd that every escalation we have is always assigned to Danny. I dont know if that is coincidence or it is just him who can resolved the issue.

The funny thing is that Danny can read all the conversation I had with Andy. Getting special instructions from Andy and pointing things that needs to be done. I am a little flirtatious over that conversation and I am sad that Danny actually read my pathetic acts.

It is also weird that Andy teaches me technique that helps me on my job and somehow Danny is doing the same thing. I assumed that he is actually seeing all the conversation we are having. Hopefully all this inevitable experiences can lead me to the right path.