Daily Thoughts

The Monday start-up

I am a bit skeptical about my Monday workday would start. I came late for work because I am simply not feeling well and I feel no determination. I kept thinking that I have to work because of the number of cases I have to finish and to have the chance to talk to Danny.

Apparently, he was not in a good mood to talk and he never response to my email. I dont know what he was thinking but I hope it’s nothing personal. I always jump on this kind of conclusions because thats how I feel. On the lighter note I had the chance to work with Andy 😋

He is a little weird today and our conversation is a bit odd. I thought he is not in the mood and he dont like talking to me but surprisingly he wants to start a conversation. I dont know if he is just buying sometime to prevent him to chat with others as I work on a minimal supervision. But whatever his reason is I dont care as long as I have the time to flirt around. lol

I must admit that after loosing the thinking that he likes me, my true self of being funny has begun to unleash. I can feel that he likes being fooled and having praise. I adore him but I can’t like him they way I did before. This is all my illusion and I should not go back on the same path. But given the chance I want him so much! Nah forget it! Hahah

He is a complete package I must say. He could be the typical American guy but this is somewhat different from others because he knows me. I mean I met him in person and I work with him. He knows how I look and what I am doing. Compared to numerous American guy that I chat with, and I obviously fake my identity. I am beyond amazed with this experiences and I hope I will have the chance to get to know more about him. 🙂

This is me being a weirdo.. hahah xoxo

Daily Thoughts

The Lies

Last Friday was a great day at work. Though the amount of stress is still the same I can say that I enjoyed it. I had a time to last week to chat with Danny and this is one of the days that he is so talkative and not so grumpy.

I was so jealous that he can actually work from home and he encourages me to apply on the same company they are working. I told myself thats going to be hard. I know that day he likes talking to me and if I have the chance to talk to him I'll grab the opportunity but we need to work 😦

I asked him if he is visiting our sites and he said that he is not sure. I hope we see each other soon and have this feelings sorted out. I dont love him thats for sure but the feeling of wanting to talk to him is there. I just cant figure it out if I like it.

I found out that he lied to me when we talked about passport and he didn't know that he already mention he dont have it and now he has one. Booo! It sucks to know that he lying and I dont know if its intentional or not. Anyway, I am just being dramatic and a little disappointed I guess.

He did help me last Friday and he has done some work for me which I appreciate it. The gesture is always a plus for me no matter what. I hope we can have the chance to get to know each other. Working with somebody that makes you happy is something for me. I gave up my hopes for Andy I guess what we have right now is the only thing we will have for rest of this journey!

I do hope that I can find the right person for me and make my dreams come true! Xoxo

Daily Thoughts

The Inevitable

My week is extremely busy and I cant do anything but to keep up on the fast pace environment that I breathe in. Danny and Andy seems to be okay and they were so helpful and very informative.

Before the weekend I ask Danny if he is mad and he said no. He said that I might misunderstood him but he is willing to help me in anyway he can. I am still wondering why he likes to do that when most of the time he is not okay.

I realized that I build my world around my work, Danny and Andy. I am getting tired of all the shitty things I do on a daily basis. I can’t stop it because my work requires to communicate with both of them.

I met someone from there Department and he is John. He is the typical young boy who likes being silly and having fun at work. I hope I can have that positivity to help me on my daily life.

I somehow miss Danny when we talk about our lives and the things we want. It is just weird that we build the wall where we are having a hard time to express our thoughts today. I can consider him as my weakness 😌

I am trying hard to be funny when I am talking to Andy and I know he is somehow happy about it. He will not take an hour of conversation if he is not enjoying it. And what an odd that every escalation we have is always assigned to Danny. I dont know if that is coincidence or it is just him who can resolved the issue.

The funny thing is that Danny can read all the conversation I had with Andy. Getting special instructions from Andy and pointing things that needs to be done. I am a little flirtatious over that conversation and I am sad that Danny actually read my pathetic acts.

It is also weird that Andy teaches me technique that helps me on my job and somehow Danny is doing the same thing. I assumed that he is actually seeing all the conversation we are having. Hopefully all this inevitable experiences can lead me to the right path.


Daily Thoughts

The state of being extremely tired

I must admit that I am extremely stressed out with the job I have. I can't find a way to slow down. I always feel the rush and the need to do something even if I cant do it.

This week is somehow difficult and very challenging. I wish I could change it and apply it on my daily routine. I mean find something that will not give me stress and focus on what is needed.

The more I wish to talk to Danny, the gap is building progressively. I dont know why maybe I'm overthinking the situation. I would really like to get to know him but things are not working the way I wanted.

Andy is somehow a little bit sweet since last week but I cant pretend that he likes me. I must stop pretending that they like me. I need to constantly remind myself that nothings is special. I am tired of everything, tired of waiting, tired of asking, tired of finding and tired of doing the impossible. I hope I can stop this and find my perfect match!

Daily Thoughts

The Day I said

Im glad that I survived this crazy week at work. I can say that it is lighter compare with the hustle and bustle we usually do. Talking to someone with no expectations seems to be lighter too. I learned that going with the flow gives you this feeling -feeling of no added stress apart from my work.

I am beyond amazed to myself that I can control my emotions. I hope I can keep this forever! Dont push your luck! Make everybody be amaze with you and make them ask for you! Stop trying just be you.

Daily Thoughts

The Attention

Yesterday I was working without taking breaks as my boss needs to submit our reports. I have no choice but to engaged with our higher Management to finalize our findings. And yes I am talking about Andy's department.

To make the story short I was assigned directly to Danny to resolve the ongoing issue and to submit our final findings. Yes, we talked slightly and I know he is exhausted. I can tell that he is and he mention that he was just trying to help and though it doesn't seem that way he is trying. That is the first that Danny officially give in of his feelings. Haha It's so unusual that he said so much things with care.

I think he is just being nice but I am anticipating that he will burst again and I will not just stay there. I will make it big and make sure to give him the lesson he was waiting to get!!!

Today, Andy was seems to be okay in terms of proving immediate resolution. He is always ready but he still confused me all the time but he is still cute!!! Getting so much attention from their Department seems to be fun but sometimes I feel that I am loosing my grip.

I need to find the person who can make me weak! 😍😜😋

Daily Thoughts

The Unexpectedly Situation

Out of randomness Danny just explain that sometimes he is having a bad day that he couldn't control his emotions. Again, for the longest time why do he needs to tell me things that we have not talk about. It was just randomly when he mention things to me. I hate giving assumptions of things but I cant help it.

What is he doing… I hate him for doing things such as being like that.

Daily Thoughts

The Day I say I gave up

There are things in life I can't understand even if I tried to find each purpose. I been dealing with a lot of stress lately and it is affecting my health.

I try to stay in a low key and be the best I can be. Maintaining my positivity to my work place and at home. I am still communicating with Danny's and Andy's department, not because I wanted but because it is needed.

Last Thursday, we had a miscommunication about our project that lead to a confusing decision. I have to deal with Danny and he seems to be pissed about something. He wants me to decide for him and I am not authorized to do that. I am just thinking, why he always give me that option where he can actually do it by himself. Is he not happy I am talking to him or he is just like that? No matter how I think about it makes me annoyed and I can feel I am not happy with it.

The following day ( Friday ), things gets crazier and I have to consult our ongoing issue with our project. Thank God! Danny is not yet in and Andy was able to help me out. It's been awhile and I can say that something changed. Not in a bad way but In a good way where we can actually make fun of our work.

I enjoy it actually! And meeting a new guy from there Department is kinda fun. I hope we can continue this momentum where only laugh at things and less stress.

I am finally in the stage where I can somehow realized that I can't do it anymore. I must maintain my blank face and do my job. Forget getting in love with those people. They just being nice I guess and nothing is serious. 😊😊😊

Daily Thoughts

The Loneliness

I must admit that the less we talk the better. I have been trying to avoid the feelings I have for him. Because I know that It wont happen. The "us" is kinda thing is hard to imagine but my mind keeps on telling me I have to do something. But I choose not to do anything ..

Day by day I am starting to learn few things about Danny. I am trying my best to fight my feelings and I am still confuse with all the interaction we have before. Met another guy on the same Department and I am trying to steal him from someone but they are not romantically involve. I just like the feeling of competition on something I know I can win. He is a cutie for sure but not the guy who can make you smile when you see him.

Anyway, my day is a truly hard as my work continuously giving me stressed and my dog passed away this morning. 😥

I will miss him so bad and his barking whenever he wants something. I cant do anything but to stay positive. I hope we will meet again.

Daily Thoughts

The Thoughts I hate

I did not expected that I can do it inspite the urge that I still wanted to push more nd more. One thing I realized is that I surelly want attention more than anything. Going in a relationship with someone is difficult in so many ways. I am still thinking if thats what I want or just being lonely. 

I cant share anything from my daily life because I am doing the same thing. I am hiding from Danny and being busy with my work. I get the chance to meet other people and somehow its fun. But whats next? Getting attach to someone I dont know that much? What wrong with me huh?! Freaking ridiculous.

I need to focus on myself and do some changes! Physically and mentally to divert my crazy mind into something better. I have to put everything in behind and focus on myself. I should stop wishing for myself I should start a move! Sunday thoughts makes me crazy… 😜