Daily Thoughts

The Unexpected 

I did not expected that I can do it inspite the urge that I still wanted to push more nd more. One thing I realized is that I surelly want attention more than anything. Going in a relationship with someone is difficult in so many ways. I am still thinking if thats what I want or just being lonely. 

I cant share anything from my daily life because I am doing the same thing. I am hiding from Danny and being busy with my work. I get the chance to meet other people and somehow its fun. But whats next? Getting attach to someone I dont know that much? What wrong with me huh?! Freaking ridiculous.

I need to focus on myself and do some changes! Physically and mentally to divert my crazy mind into something better. I have to put everything in behind and focus on myself. I should stop wishing for myself I should start a move! Sunday thoughts makes me crazy… 😜

Daily Thoughts

The Tummy Ache

I’m in pain for almost 18 hours and I feel that I am so dehydrated. I am trying to chug  a gallon of water to rehydrate myself. I hope I wont pass out.

Today’s work is kinda light but my temper kicks in. I just can’t stand anymore how they devalued us just to be praised by our bosses. I am thinking that my job is not for me and I should not work in that kind of environment, where they only focus on their personal interest.

So, I tried to focus and channel my anger to a different things. I was able to do something different today and I was working with Andy. He is a little playful today and I like it! Makes out lives easier by seconds. I also talk to Danny about a project and he is giving me a hard time. This is like 3 times in a row! But what can I do..

Trying to focus on something different and I worry that I might get heart attack. I’ll try to be healthy as much as I can and hoping I make drastic change!

Daily Thoughts

The Break Free

I am trying my best to not focus on the things that constantly bothering for almost months. I been trying to stay away from Danny and sometimes I succeed and sometime I dont.

Part of me still wants that attention where I can talk to him with anything. But there are things we need to prioritize in terms of work ethics. I really do want to know if he likes me but my theory will just remain that way. 

I am trying my best to make things right and forget him. I been trying to eliminate some fats on my body. Maybe next week I will start focusing on that and meet goals. I have never done anything for myself so I guess this is the right time. Let enjoy the weekend and be awesome! 😊

Daily Thoughts

The Starting Point

I guess this is the start where I need to push myself to loose weight. I should be done with hunting and concentrating to guys that dont matter to me. Lol

I planning to do it for 15 days then see how it goes. I hope I can remove my excess fat and be healthy. Wishing to be normal as ever and I hope I still have good future.

I want to be normal lol

Daily Thoughts

The Feeling of the Unknown

I am always busy at work but I am finding a way to get at least 10-30 minutes of rest. Just staring at the wall or sometime messing with my co-worker. 

I had this attitude for the past hour and when I needed to talk to Danny everything starts to changed. I feel like we are too formal earlier and he is in a hurry. Though he gave me the approval I was needing. Still  I have the feeling of weirdness toward the interaction we have and maybe it is just me.

I continue to ask him simple things about the projector but I feel like the excitement and energy is gone. Maybe we are both tired from working. It could be anything right?

I am hoping that I could have that special day were I can have enough time to have chichats. But I guess it will not happen. 😑

Daily Thoughts

The Unknown

Working on a stressful environment makes you a little agitated. I can’t breathe and I feel that my space is crowded. Took few minutes to get a fresh air and at least helps me to feel a little okay. 

Tried to be more positive the entire shift and I have been trying to focus on my pending paper works. My co-worker Leila is trying to annoy me as she keeps on mentioning Danny. I can tell that she is so amazed with the story I shared. I am now askingvmy self why the hell did I told her. 

I am a little sad that she perceives things differently but I don’t regret that I asked her opinion. At least I was able to realized things bits by bits. I had to consult a project to Danny’s Department, when asking assistance to them you get random representatives and sometimes you end up getting Danny.

So we dis talk casually and he never fails to helped me. I thank him for that, the 2nd time that I need to consult another project I got him again and he started asking questions. I realized that I dont have to hide from them and instead start dealing with everything. It’s for my benefit and it will make me feel more equipped with knowledge and power. 

Maybe I am just overthinking things about the two of us. I must stop thinking that way and start living a life. I partially admit that I am smitten with the attention he is giving me and I am not inlove with him.

Todays event somehow helps me to realized the things I was denying to myself. We are professionals and we should act like professional.

xoxo 😘 

Daily Thoughts

The Adjustment 

I am starting to embrace the fact that having constant interaction with Danny would fade soon. I believe it will I am just adjusting from the events that I could not explain the reason.

Maybe I was waiting for acknowledgement in terms of someone will pin point that yeah you look like you are falling for him. I think I am but romantically I would say not. 

We have to know each other first before doing such conclusions. I have been trying my best to stay away from him as much as I can becauae I dont want to end up being a loser.

I must control my actions and I dont want to regret everything. I will always believe that God has a perfect timing for everything. Dont you?

I was able to open up this situation to my colleague, this is to allow me to understand the situation we have. If I am being too assuming or exaggerating things.

She made me realized that everything is something or anyone can have. I mean, I have to know if he is doing the same conversation we have to other people and if he is that extra nice like he does to me.

My conclusion for that is he loves his job and he is willing to solve everything. But the questions still remain the same WHY?

  1. When he randomly said that he will be on a vacation
  2. When he put so much effort in resolving issue on our projects 
  3. When trying to be funny
  4. When asking me questions that are not related with work

But, he never ask anything about my wants. Freaky and scary!

My co-worker thinks that he might like me and I should keep engaging with him to know the difference but I thought I alreay know enough.

I am just on a stage where I begin to deny the facts. I should not feed my mind with this conclusion and I will never make it. I wish him good luck and I hope we will jot create any complications towards our job.

xoxo 😘 

Daily Thoughts

The Reality 

I kept asking myself why I always do things differently. I always fall for someone who don’t deserve me at all. I kept pretending that something is up when nothing is going on. I am so attached to all the events that may lead me broken.

Thursday, was not the conversation I was expecting and I thought that I had enough of my craziness. I been waiting for him for almost 6 weeks and nothing is happening. I need to do something. Something that I will put everything behind me and never think of anything.

Focusing one thing is so hard. I need to commit! I am thinking of changing myself to divert my attention on something that is breaking me. I need to gain that self confidence that I lost a long time ago.

I am revisiting the old conversation we had to Andy’s and to Danny’s. Little by little I am realizing that nothing is special. I am just moved by the momment of excitement and I guess I am overwhelmed. I cant seem to find the things I need to find. I am missing something..

I hope on the coming days I will be able to realize what I need to realize. I wanted to change something on myself and on my perspective. I am trully sad that I was not able to get what I want. Backing up is the only option I have right now.

I like listening to Christina Perri song “Arms”. I can relate to this song and the feeling is so sad. I hope I can find the persob who can knocks me down and will not let me go. Putting his arms around me makes me feel home.

😘 xoxo

Daily Thoughts

The Demand

Today I can finally say that I failed! I did not last for 3 days in my freaking challenge.  Its hard to do it when you know its needed. I had to engaged with Danny’s Department as we are losing options and no one is being  helpful. 

To make the story short we did talked. Aloof and scary to start the conversation but I know he was trying to be polite and helpful. I need to give him that credit because he is the only person who gives me option in all the dealings. Things will only change if he is not in the mood. I guess.

I was able to have a small talk with him and I know he was a little happy. I can tell because he is throwing jokes and our chat is always lengthy. I dont know why but I feel that I making it on purpose. Maybe but I dont know sometimes it’s difficult to tell. 😑😑😑

I would say that this is the last day. And I’m taking my early off for the week. I hope my perspective in dealing my shit over work will somehow change. I hope that I can finally let go of this feelings and never gets too attached with someone again.

I learned my lesson and I know I need to move forward. Enough of the drama and expectations. Move further and away from Danny lol 😂 

I hope my job will no longer requires me to deal with them and just be independent. I hope 🤞 that in the future I can find the right person.

Chao!

Daily Thoughts

The Weakness 

I was so tired today. I can feel my shoulder’s getting tighter by minutes. Maybe becuase of the workload I have and it is never ending. 

For some reason I have to admit that yesterday was a failed mission. I told my self that I prevent myself in reaching assistance to Danny’s Department as I am trying to avoid him. Though I used different name when I needed their help. Today it happen again and I needed to use my name. 😦 

I can’t avoid them but I was praying so hard  that we dont bump into each other. I thank God for helping me to fulfill this request. We had an encounter yesterday but he dont know that it was me. Our communications only through chatting as they are working cross the world. 

I was one of the people who needs to represent our people to get assistance from them. So I have no choise but to perform my job. Working directly to people whom you adore is quite difficult. I have never imagined that this day will happen. Where I have to move one step back. Today, its my second day of trying not to get assistance from Danny. Instead of not talking to there Department, I am now playing the game of hide and seek. 

I wish I could have this space where I dont get attached that much to anyone from my work again. I must stop this and make my life more meaningful. I dont deserve this kind of treatment. I missed the small talk but it is just a small talk and I dont know what to do.. 

I heard today that he was in a hurry and didn’t want to do small talks anymore. Maybe that was needed and  he was not in the mood. 😦 I am still not looking forward to do small talks too. I had enough of heartache for the past weeks and I think that’s enough.

I hope tomorrow I will be no longer needing to communicate with him. I dont know what to do anymore and I need to get a life. 

Does he ever think about me? Does he tries to search for me? Does he try to communicate with me? Does he likes our small talks? If all the answer is no! I dont want to know anymore. 😑